the-surrealist

horizon

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 22:47:36 GMT

My original post got lost suddenly. Cheap technology.. crap.

In essence, here's a rundown of my thoughts at the moment.

I got promoted to a senior staff level. I was close to snagging a specialist post but I was too late and too soon. Two days late and too soon to be promoted to a higher level since my promotion papers were still being processed. No, my boss isn't keen on policy exemptions either. So was I. Fair's fair I guess. It's not exactly the one I wanted but hey, something is better than nothing at all.

I am happy with my current work -- ISO and business process analysis. The possibilities that these two disciplines can open, in my opinion, are endless. Geek talk as this may sound, I don't give a poop.

For the first time in the job that I consider my Gehinom, I was now ascending to purgatory. Work still come in packs and unexpectedly at times but I'm getting good at it. The stress level is now tolerable compared to the scorching blaze last year. Add the fact that the fat bitch (aka my former boss) from hell was still in this country then. Now, I'm just welcoming all the stress. With a stupid jerk smile on my face and Muse'sSuper Massive Blackhole pounding in my heart.*

I am looking forward to getting promoted again next year. As greedy as I may sound right now, I believe this is something worth racing for. After all, the road to becoming someone doesn't start with yellow bricked paths. It's the shifting sand paths of the Sahara for you. Or Nan Dungortheb if you like to wax Tolkien for the moment. Whatever you may call it, the way is harsh. But the end of it is really worth all the trouble.

I can't wait for next year. I feel like a weary traveller scanning the sky outside the Inn at the World's End, seeing the future events unfold in the horizon.

I can't wait. Oh yes, I can't wait.

* Note: If this song reminds you of Twilight the answer is no, I'm not a Twilight fan. I don't see anything good/worth remembering about the movie or the book. I was already a Muse fan waaay before the producers used the band's songs as the movie OST.

Good Omens: Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 17:41:37 GMT

It's been a long time since I've enjoyed reading a book. Of course, I still can't get enough of Gaiman tomes. So it's a nice thing that my favorite authors is friends with another well known sci-fi writer -- Mr. Terry Pratchett. I consider this book as my transition book from the world of the Dreaming and the Endless to another fantasy world.

The world is ending so they say. And it will end on a Saturday mind you. Next Saturday. Seas are boiling, the Four Horsemen are out, the Antichrist is already at someone's doorstep and the armies of good and evil are amassing for the one big fight. All is running right, according to divine plan -- not!

An avid book collecting angel and a techno savvy demon join up to thwart the Armageddon and kill the Antichrist before its too late -- simply because they're already enjoying their Earthbound lives close to 6 millenia. But how can they kill the Antichrist who's such a sweet kid afterall? Hahaha!

I'm over the moon over this book! it's a fun poke at Judgement Day and Gaiman and Pratchett surely knows how to deliver. Dry humor, sprinkled generously with sarcasm, angels, demons, witches, witch hunters and witty asides = classic!

interlude

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 15:19:14 GMT

You can see Starbucks anywhere you might go. In Makati alone, there's almost always a Starbucks in every corner. They're like mushrooms.. or even Jollibee.

A dumb thought.

Sometime soon in the near future, Jollibee and Starbucks will merge as one. Now you can have the best of both worlds:

"One Chicken Mocha Frapuccino, with extra sauce coming up!"

destiny

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 15:40:46 GMT

Opportunity knocks only but once.

Missing those opportunities will back fire against you in the future. They're called regrets...

Once again I find myself scouring the search engines of Jobstreet and Jobsdb. Waiting is really a taxing job - compared to really working on the job. Sheesh if waiting was a real job, people would have earned millions just doing it. Then again, that cannot happen.

I'm resigning because of many reasons. Most of these reasons are a horrible hybrid of professional and personal reasons and bad experiences in the past.

Salary. What else? The company has a very primitive compensation package compared to the market. Most people my age working in the same profession in a BPO earns twice what I get every cutoff. And working with that kind of compensation is really hurtful given the daily expenses I incur. I spend 90 pesos everyday for a trip from home to Ayala and vise versa. Even if I pack my own lunch to cut back on costs, I still end up saving nothing for myself.

Training. Trainings are limited. The company believes you can get far with PhP 800 per head a year for training. Yegads, what iota of learning will you get with that kind of budget? It is understandable the company is scrimping on training expenses.. if they can provide a good alternative. Unfortunately, even internal trainings are very limited.. given the subject matter experts available or even a person competent enough to teach you a thing or two relevant to your work.

Opportunities. The choices are endless. None of them however, interests me anymore. This is somehow tied up with the training factor. It is true that there is fairly wide smorgasbord of careers within the company. However, YOU have to make your own way to reach that position and make your own way again learning the ropes of the position. The company believes in throwing someone in the middle of the ocean and praying to heavens that you'll learn how to swim. I wonder if they also know what setting up for failure means.. Or guidance... Oh right, they don't. They don't know both.

Experience. I have a lot. I gained alot in more than a year here than in my previous call center. I also gained a lot of scars, scars that were hard to heal and even harder to erase. Fucking up a major project was the first. Simply because my bosses then decided to give the project to an unfortunate newbie named me, who knew nothing of the company policies on procurement, knew nothing of video editing or script writing, who barely knew everyone in the company when the project required knowing important names and personalities because this was an awards night - the first ever in the industry. And the best part of this project? They blame me for their mistake. Huwaw. Talk about judgement.... Leche..

It was hard to regain trust within the section I belonged to after the event. Call it paranoia but I believe the experience has turned me into the butt of all jokes. No matter how much they tell "joke lang", it still reminds me how bad the experience was. The jokes were not funny. It's other permutations were way worse than the ones directly related to it.

The second one was worse. You can forget anyone in the team. But forgetting employee no. 3 is by far the worst. If you want to know the details, shoot me a message. I can discuss the details over coffee (it's on me, don't worry) and you'll get more than just a simple yarn.

yeah, it's that horrible I can't even post it here.

...

...

...

Someone told me that I shouldn't take everything personally. Apota, I work my ass off in everything I do, how do you think you can separate your personality from your work?....

I still have a long way before I master that discipline. For now, all I can do is minimize my ranting.

And so I scour the pages of Jobstreet and Jobsdb. Everyday. Everynight.

Looking for a job, hoping to start a clean slate.

red carpet drama

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 20:24:31 GMT

It just dawned on me that I never posted any pic about my life at work. Duh.

Here are some pics from the 2nd ACES Annual Awards last June 28, 2008. Underneath the glamor and hype lies mayhem, confusion, a VP breathing down your neck, an invisible committee, battered teammates, and a badly beaten project lead named me. Hah.

I'm wearing a crappy coat because mine was lent to a very panicky host.

Feeling Red Carpet:With Ms. Olie Ularte (Program Manager), Herms, and Sir Gerry

The Cast: From left -- Jucs, Vargee, isang naliligaw na Action Star, Boss (Ba)Ding, Herms, Bonjing, Sir Gerry, Beckylyn, and Ms. Jaidz (VP-HR)

phantasmagoria

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 18:51:15 GMT

I'm suffering lately from insomnia. On weekends, I can't sleep at night. When I get to sleep though, I sleep half the day away. When I wake up, there's a gnawing feeling that I just wasted time again.

Right now, I should be sleeping like any normal professional (?!) who works the daily 8-5 grind. But noooo. I'm sleep deprived yet again. And what do you do when you find yourself awake in the wee morning hours? You blog. About how miserably fucked your life is right now. Or how you can't seem to wake up out of the clouds you put yourself into. You blog about how one year passed and everything seems like a bad joke.

....
....

I just had a talk with one of my officemates last weekend. With a few hours to spare before we jump into another quarterly party hosted by the President, we talked about things that will happen in the next quarter.

The cat freak called Herms (I called her that since she was biologically female but male in principle) basically laid out the course of the future for the magazine that we were handling. I just listened. Listened like a sobered up junkie who's being read his sentence. I kept quiet even if I wanted to cut her short and tell her, "Better tell this things to the new staff because I'm resigning pretty soon."

The hours progressed as more people came in, beer kept flowing and more people getting drunk and giddy. I was feeling blank once again. In the middle of the party, I was feeling nothing.

....
.....

I wanted to believe that this is all a bad dream.

Part of me wanted to wake up, wishing that this was just a very bad dream. Wishing that 2007 didn't happen. Part of me was looking down at me, sneering "Jeez, the joke's on you!" with condescending gusto.

This is an illusion, a well crafted phantasmagoria that one can no longer distinguish the real from the imagined.

....
....
....
....

Wake up and smell the rotten eggs, dork.

bored

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 20:35:08 GMT

1. Were you named after anyone?
An angel

2. When was the last time you cried?
Over a miscalculation. Bwahahahaha

3. Do you like your handwriting?
Yes. It's cursive with nasty hooks and angry swashes.

4. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Humba.

5. Do you have kids?
Nada.

6. If you were another person would you be friends with you?
No.

7. Do you use sarcasm?
Hinde (kidlat!)

8. Do you still have your tonsils?
Yes.

9. Would you bungee jump?
No.

10. What is your favorite cereal?
None.

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Yes.

12. Do you think you are strong? compared to what?
Yes. In another dimension, I am an aged kung-fu master who gouges out eyeballs for fun.

13. What is your favorite ice cream?
Chocolate chip

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Their face.

15. Red or pink?
Red

16. What is the least favorite thing about yourself?
That I exist.
.
17. Who do you miss the most?
A bigger paycheck and less, mind-boggling stress to deal with.

18. Do you want everyone to send this back to you?
No.

19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
Dirty black shorts and rubber tiradors.

20. What was the last thing you ate?
MSG snacks

21. What are you listening to right now?
Aquarium filter

22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
White

23. Favorite smells?
Clothes fresh from the laundromat

24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Officemate

25. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
I dunno know. I just ripped this from someone else's blog

26. Favorite sports to watch?
Nada.

27. Hair color?
Dirty black

28. Eye color?
Black

29. Do you wear contacts?
NO

30. Favorite food?
Humba.

31. Scary movies or happy endings?
Sad endings.

32. Last movie you watched?
Kung Fu Panda

33. What color shirt are you wearing?
White

34. Favorite season?
Christmas season

35. Hugs or kisses?
Lick... Ahahahahhahaahaha!

36. Favorite dessert?
Yema

37. Most likely to respond?
Huh?

38. Least likely to respond?
Ambot da

39. What book are you reading now?
None

40. What is on your mouse pad?
err.. the mouse?

41. What did you watch on tv last night?
Nada. Don't get to watch TV anymore.

42. Favorite sound?
Ocean waves lapping lazily on the shore

43. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
The Beatles

44. What is the farthest you have been from home?
Surigao

45. What specific subject do you feel you know better than any other subject?
Lunch

46. If you could spend a whole day with any one historical figure, who would it be?
Bezalel

47. You're driving your car late at night and come to a red light. If there are no cars in either direction, do you stop?
I'd run.

48. Do you have a special talent?
Yeah. I can fuckup anything without trying hard. Hahaha!

49. Where were you born?
In a hospital that no longer exists

50. Whose answers are you looking forward to getting back?
Bored people who still takes time to look at this blog.

homestretch

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 03:30:50 GMT

Already things are ready to explode -- just waiting for a tiny wrong action. One wrong step, then blackout. Panic. And all fingers will single out the root cause once more.

I am scared. Not of the event that will happen on Sunday. It's already a given that the powers be will make last minute changes - to hell if it will ruin the flow of things. It's already nature to them.

I am scared of what my status will be after this event. Will it still be the same? Will things resume back to normality -- and just wait again until the storm resumes once more? Or will change come, positive change, that I hope for be in my hand's reach this time?

Pessimism had always been my cup of tea. But somewhere in my tangled thoughts, I still believe that there's always light. And I know I have to run for it and seek the light.

At the Nadir and Reaching for the Zenith

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 14:44:31 GMT

You are Death

Change, Transformation, Alteration.

People fear this card, but if you want to change your life, this is one of the best indicators for it. Whatever happens, life will be different. Yes, the Death card can signal a death in the right circumstances (a question about a very sick or old relative, for example), but unlike its dramatic presentation in the movies, the Death card is far more likely to signal transformation, passage, change. Scorpio, the sign of this card, has three forms: scorpion, serpent, eagle. The Death card indicates this transition from lower to higher to highest. This is a card of humility, and it may mean you have been brought low, but only so that you can then go higher than ever before. Death "humbles" all, but it also "exults." Always keep in mind that on this card of darkness there is featured a sunrise as well. You could be ready for a change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

distant shores

Wed, 07 May 2008 18:21:45 GMT

I have made my decision.
I have reviewed my past and gained fragments of truth from it.
I am ready. The target is at point blank range now.

I'm going to resign. There's no use staying now because there is nothing more that I can give and there is nothing more I can see and get where I am at right now. A year of mediocrity will not be remedied by staying longer. Effort can never equate with results. Pretending will get me nowhere.

Once again, I shall cast myself into the great ocean. But now I have learned how to swim. But I will not swim to shore.

I shall go farther into distant shores, far into the horizon.